Meet Ralph

Once upon a time, (a few weeks ago) I read a book that changed my life. Life Without Ed tells the story of a woman, Jenni, who overcame her eating disorder through the help of a therapist who had a revolutionary (for her) approach. She learned to think of her disorder as a separate being from herself. His name is ED (as in eating disorder.) Jenni figured out that she was in an unhealthy marriage with Ed and it was high time for a divorce. The book describes her experiences and tools she used to come out on top. 

The first step was to identify who was talking: Jenni or Ed. When it was Ed, she had to disobey and eventually disagree with him. 

As I read this amazing account, it occurred to me, "this could work for you!!" No, I don't have an eating disorder, but you better believe that I have a voice inside my head that is forever endeavoring to convince me to self-destruct. That's not me. Natalie Rose doesn't think it's a good idea to overdose on medication, or to bang her head against the floor until she goes unconscious, or even to contact FTH. But Ralph does. He works tirelessly to convince me that these negative behaviors will make me feel better. Every day I get a little better at saying NO. Our conversations have evolved and tend to go a little something like this:

Ralph: This mission farewell is pretty hard for you huh?

Nat: It really is.

Ralph: When you get home, you should take a couple pills.

Nat: I'm not supposed to take more meds until tonight.

Ralph: But if you take them now, you'll feel better.

Nat: I highly doubt that.

Ralph: Why would you doubt me?? I've gotten you this far haven't I? 

Nat: *reverent sarcastic snort* 

There's been one or two days since this discovery that I haven't had the strength to fight Ralph. But that in NO way, shape or form, means that I've failed. All it means is that I need to take better care of Rosie so that the two of us can be better prepared for Ralph's next attack. 

The moral of the story: we all need to evaluate the thoughts racing through our craniums, do they represent our feelings and beliefs? Or someone else's?