Roadblocks

So I spend a lot of time thinking about this blog, arguing with myself mostly about what to post. For example: should I blog after a really hard yet unremarkable day? Will it do any good to describe all the cruddy feelings I had today? 

Well I need to pedal this bike for another ten minutes anyways... Consider yourself warned. Today was not a "fist bump yeah yeah yeah" day.

I woke up, really late. Feeling dazed. Not ready to function, but not tired anymore. Couple that with the bad dream I had (about mean sister missionaries) and I was a real ray of sunshine.

I was pretty sure I had therapy today, couldn't remember the time though, so I ended up being there an hour early. Plent y of time to lay on the couch and be cranky.

Finally I go into Miss Kathy's office and proceed to vent. A lot. She keeps telling me that the reason I panic and get anxious is because my brain is trying distract me from it's real problem. And we don't know what that is. "The mind hates unanswered questions." Super. So I'm being tortured because I can't figure out the answer to an illusive question? Super. NO ANSWER CAN COME UNTIL THERE'S A QUESTION!!!!!!!!! (Yes I just screamed that internally.) Anyway, I'm just a wee bit frustrated.

So I did a lot of crying at therapy today, that helped. Miss Kathy seemed different today. She thinks some adjustments to my meds should be made. Also, I get to go to the doctor tomorrow because she thinks my hormones are out of whack. (I've always known that though.) So she and my therapist Dr. M are gonna pow wow about me. That ought to be an interesting conversation. I'm kind of excited to hear about it.

So the moral of today's story is this: even though you're doing all that you can and you know you're making improvement, you're still going to have hard days, and that's okay!