Me: Last week, you said that a boy can't make me happy. But what about all those women who gush "my husband makes me SO happy?"
MK: It's like this: you have to make the ice cream and he can bring the toppings.
Now I try to focus on making my ice cream.
Cause here's the thing: I like to be taken care of and spoiled. I have these dreams of my Prince Charming who always says and does exactly what I want and need. The reality, however, is that no such human exists. There is only one person on this earth who is equipped to take care of me the way I need, and her name is Natalie Rose.
But the giver in me, doesn't love this idea. I was raised to give service, be self sacrificing and put others before myself. But the fact is, the better I feel, the better I can help others. So I have to trick myself sometimes.
Inside of me is a little girl who is very lost, alone, scared and in need of attention. To make it real for me, I gave the little girl a name: Rosie. So whenever I feel that ache in my chest, I talk to her, find out what she needs, and reassure her that all will be well.
So far it's working wonders, not only for my pain, but it also helps limit my attention seeking behavior, because I'm giving myself the attention that I so desperately need.
I urge all of you to get in touch with that little one inside of you. They'll let you know what they need. All you have to do is ask.
We love you Natalie!
ReplyDeleteI've been loving your posts :) and now I'm going to stop being just a creepy stalker and share some input :) I have struggled with panic disorder since I was 16. Your experiences all sound VERY similar to mine. I love how eloquently you explain how it feels. My perspective on the husband making you happy thing: Your therapist was totally right in that you can't expect someone else to help you until you can help yourself. However, it does help to have a husband to talk to when you start feeling anxious...but a friend or mother or therapist also does the same thing. Support is still important while you are finding strength for yourself :) I think it's SUPER important when you do find the right man that you talk with him openly about your GPD/Depression before you get serious. When we were dating, my husband had never heard of it before and at first he thought it was super weird. However, he researched it and we learned more about it together and he is now the most understanding and forgiving husband I could ask for. Not that everything is always perfect, like you said, but I think it is important to surround yourself with people who understand what you are experiencing. :) I know we don't talk much, but I had a feeling to start reading this and I'm sure glad I did. Anyway, keep writing! It's helping me a lot to not feel like I'm the only crazy person in the world (haha) :) Good luck!
ReplyDeleteOh Natalie We love you. I think that almost EVERY girl has dated the WRONG guy and learned from it. I know I sure did. I dated a boy from the time I graduated High school, sent him on a mission and then dated him a little more later. He was an idiot and looking back I thought to myself "Why the HELL did I waste so much time with him?" Now, many years later I can say I learned so much from that relationship. I learned exactly what I did want and what I deserved. Someday you will do the same. In the past 6 months I have asked why Heavenly Father sent us here and why he is making my family be apart. I mean we learn that a family is important and so forth so I just keep asking why. Now I am seeing why. He knew that Brent and I neededd this to make our family stonger, and to make our testimony grow. And in 6 months my family and testimony have grown more than the 5 years I have been married and the 26 years of my life. So even though this time in your life sucks and is hard you WILL look back someday and know why this all happened and you will only have grown from it.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post! Hello, Rosie. My name is Mama Liesl. I know you are scared and afraid. I want you to know that there are lots of people who love you. We will hold you, and help you with the hard things and guide you so you don't have to be alone. Come and visit me and we can play and talk. Rosie, you are a strong girl. Everybody feels scared, even grown-ups. It's ok you feel frightened sometimes. All of your friends will help you. Let's have a play date soon! I love you lots and lots and want you to give yourself hugs every day. Smile big because you are special and loved! Mama Liesl
ReplyDelete