Tonight as I attempted to swim my troubles away at the gym, I decided to take a page out of Rhianna's book by befriending the monster under my bed and try to get along with the voices inside of my head. Here's what we came up with:
Ralph: Why are we going off meds?
Me: Cause they're not working.
Ralph: But we like popping pills.
Me: Yeah, so??
Ralph: We like it, therefore it's good for us.
Me: Your logic is so twisted.
Ralph: Yeah, so??
Me: We're going drugless Ralph!
Ralph: Here's an idea! Why don't we go out with a bang and take all the stuff we have left over from the last 9 months.
Me: You have the WORST ideas ever. How do we even coexist???
Me: Rosie, how ya doin hon?
Rosie: I miss <insert name here>
Me: Me too dolly, me too.
Rosie: Can't we just talk to them?
Me: Nope, not right now.
Rose: But talking to people we love makes us happy and you say that we should do things that make us happy!!!!!
Me: We have to think about what will make us happy in the long run Rosie dear. And we especially have to think about what's best for <insert name here> You want them to be happy right???
Rosie: YES!
Me: Well that's settled then.
Rain: Dang girl we're doing gooooood!
Me: Yeah?
Rain: Are you serious?? Do you not realize all the positive changes you're making?? We've been off junk and fast food for almost two weeks and we work out every day!
Me: That's true.
Rain: And that's not even mentioning how long we've kept our room clean, or how we haven't let Ralph talk us into hurting ourself!
Me: Huh. Maybe you're right.
Rain: I'm not done yet! You went to a party last night, WITHOUT fake hair, got yourself back in school and didn't even stress out when you got unenrolled due to circumstances outside our control.
Me: Okay okay I get it. I'm definitely headed in the right direction. But...
Rain: But what???
Me: I'm not perfect at any of those things. I make mistakes all the time.
Rain: Ohhhhh come on sister. Once upon a time, you would make a mistake once and then completely give up on the whole endeavor. This is the longest you've ever stuck with healthy habits and I am so proud of you!
Me: You do realize it's only going to get harder from here right? Coming off the meds entirely is going to be a real nightmare.
Rain: I know. But we're ready.
Me: Why are you always right?
Rain: Cause I'm a smarter version of you!
Low lows rear their ugly faces, but let me tell you:
The highs just keep getting higher my friends.
It's so nice to see you getting along with yourself and focusing on the good things you are doing. Sounds like there has been a lot of trials sent your way recently...in my life too. It gives me hope that things will get better. Thank you for being you. And it's nice to know I'm not the only one struggling with a mental disorder. I feel so alone most of the time and it gets scary sometimes so I understand. Hang in there! We will get through this! God bless you.
ReplyDeleteYou are great, whoever you are. You're definitely not alone.
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