I Am Still Alive

This has been a very hard week. 

One of the worst "brain weeks" of my life. 

The intrusive thoughts have been debilitating.

The depression has been crippling.

And the panic attacks have been nigh upon unbearable.

But in the words of Christina Perri:

"I am still alive."

Today, near the end of church I started to panic, and ache, and hurt. 

So we hustled out of there right after the "Amen." 

We went home, I took a pill and curled up on the couch.

Where I proceeded to writhe in pain for fifteen minutes.

Then, out of nowhere I started singing a Prince of Egypt song in my head:

"Deliver us, hear our call, deliver us."

And that's when I got motivated to spring into action. 

I went and ate something. 

I sat up and listened to Julie talk.

Then I turned on some peaceful music and laid down again.

Then Julie asked me to help her clean Bee's room.

So I went and laid on Bee's bed, folded clothes and told Julie where to put things.

Then Bee and E needed to pow wow about their love lives.

Then I felt motivated and ready to write the thoughts that have been accumulating this week.

What I learned most from today is how important it is to use all of the resources available to me:

Prayer, medicine, human connection, healthy habits (like eating regularly.)

And as I do my part, God does His.

Do I feel 1000% better?

No.

Am I laying on the couch writhing in pain?

No.

Am I worried about what this week hold?

Sure I am.

But do I have the tools and support system necessary to face what ever comes my way?

Absolutely.