The last month has been full of Anniversaries. I was dreading them. But, what do you know? With a little bit of forethought, help from a therapist and coping mechanisms, I not only survived the Holidays, I rather enjoyed them!
As a celebration/distraction, I took myself to California.
In the midst of celebrating me, I learned more about me and the power I have.
Mr. T hasn't been lying when he says "You are powerful."
During my day at California Adventure, I was plagued by horrible, intrusive thoughts. Every time I'd get on a ride, my brain would start concocting the best way to jump from the ride.
This TERRIFIED me. It'd been so long since Ralph had reared his ugly head. After a few hours, I was done. I text Mr. T, letting him know what was going on and he suggested some conscious self-care messages. Whenever I got on a ride I'd say to myself,
"I'm not going to hurt you. You are worth protecting."
GUYS. This ish WORKS! The problem completely dissipated as quickly as it came.
That was lesson #1: I have power. The love I have for myself is stronger than anything else.
The next day was New Years Eve which also happens to be the busiest day of the year at Disneyland.
I'd forgotten how much I.hate.crowds.
It was bad guys, I could barely function. By 2 pm I was doooone.
So I ignored the thoughts "You should be happy, you're at Disneyland!" "You've spent too much money on this to leave right now!" and went to the beach.
It.was.GLORIOUS. I can't even tell you.
This was lesson #2: It's okay, wonderful even, to do what I need, despite the plethora of "shoulds" reverberating through my cranium.
I'm completely overwhelmed by this self-knowledge and I wouldn't trade it for anything:
not even a long head of hair.
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