I've been working on what these terms mean for me personally, for quite awhile.
Recently, I had to do something incredibly difficult that was also excruciatingly painful. The kind of pain that has the power to physically knock you over. But I'm holding onto the belief that in the long run, what I did was best.
This situation got me thinking about selfishness. Was I being selfish as I made my decision?
The official definition of the word selfish is:
"Lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own profit or pleasure."
So basically, is it all about me? In this case, the answer is a resounding no.
My hope is that I'll remember that as I continue to make peace with my decisions.
Another distinction I've had to learn to understand is self-indulgence vs self-care.
To indulge is to: "allow oneself to enjoy the pleasure of."
To care for is to: "provide the provision of what is needed for the well-being or protection of a person or thing"
When I was first introduced to self-care, I often got the two mixed up. Sometimes I still do so, humorously:
"I've had a rough day so I'm going to eat this entire pint of ice cream and binge watch Bones. #selfcare"
But what I've come to learn is that proper self-care is similar to exceptional parenting.
Really great parents:
1. Meet and fulfill needs
2. Assess and manage wants
3. Ensure health and safety-sometimes through restrictions and constraints
When caring for ourselves we do the same:
1. Meet our needs physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, and spiritually.
2. Decide which wants are actually necessary. (Self-indulgence means giving into all the wants "for your own good."
3. Make sure we are healthy and safe by making smart decisions.
Here's an example of this:
A few years ago, I took myself to Disneyland. After the first day at the park I was very sore and fussy. In addition, the park was at full capacity and I thought I was going to die. So I took myself to the beach.
It was beautiful.
As the sun started to set, I thought to myself, "I should probably get going." Part of me, however, really wanted to stay at the beach. But, just as a good parent would have, I told myself that it was safest and in my best interest to head back to the house.
You see? I wanted to indulge in more time at the beach, but I practiced care by leaving to ensure my safety.
I'm still figuring this all out obviously. But the more I do, the more I see the necessity for it.
Why?
Taking care of me is not selfish.
I'm important.
I deserve love.
I deserve self-care.
And so do you.
